Saturday, 30 December 2017

Seasonal Snapshots - The Answers

Phew. What a week. I'll tell you more later. Meanwhile, well past the time for listening to Christmas songs, here are the answers. Thanks to everyone who took part: I'm afraid you'll have to work out your own scores...

50. What this is. By Father Jack (before he became Father Jack).

Father Jack (in Father Ted) was played by the actor Frank Kelly.

This is a Christmas Countdown.

Frank Kelly - Christmas Countdown

49. Onomatopoeia, December 2016.

One example of onomatopoeia is Wham!

December 2016 was last Christmas.

Did I really need to spell that one out?

Wham! - Last Christmas

48. A bit of turkey on the side? Shocking!

A bit on the side could be a mistress.

AC & DC are type of electrical current.

AC/DC - Mistress For Christmas

47. Two terms of endearment about the Ghostbusters big bad.

Darling & Love are both terms of endearment.

The big bad guy at the end of Ghostbusters was the Marshmallow Man.

Darlene Love - Marshmallow World

46. When I was a lad, this time of year actually meant something. Let's go back... shoulders, knees and toes.

I was a kid in the 80s.

Back to the future.

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.

The Futureheads - Christmas Was Better In The 80s

45.Marilyn's U.N.C.L.E. dies hard in the cold.

Robert Vaughan was the Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Marilyn was Monroe.

The song at the end of Die Hard was...

Vaughan Monroe - Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!

44. One of the Greats... like the Monkees sang.

The Great Lakes.

The Monkees sang I'm A Believer.

Greg Lake - I Believe In Father Christmas

43. Wet lips in Las Gow.

Wet lips come from catch snowflakes in a kiss.

Las Vegas + Glasgow...

Glasvegas - A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like A Kiss)

42. Here comes the Super Trouper: Chaka Khan not pictured.

A Super Trouper was a spotlight.

Chaka Khan was originally in Rufus.

Rufus Wainwright - Spotlight On Christmas

41. David Copperfield comes back - don't mention the presidents!

David Copperfield is the magician, not the Dickens character.

There were two presidents with the same name I'd rather we didn't mention (although either of them is welcome to come back and replace Trump).

Kate Bush - December Will Be Magic Again

40. Pale James celebrates the 25th.

Not particularly imaginative this one.

Jim White - Christmas Day

39. What Obi Wan does when wrapping, lego.

Again, pretty self-explanatory.

Ben Folds - Brick

38. Ho ho ho, for no man.

Tom Waits for no man. Obviously.

Ho can have two meanings under the circumstances. One of them isn't very nice, but you come up with a better clue for this song!

Tom Waits - Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis

37. Useful for taking a 14th Century photo. Make sure you wrap up warm!

The Aztecs were very big in the 14th Century, I understand.

Aztec Camera - Walk Out To Winter

36. Skinny 13th: this is what I was, many years ago. (Bit unfair that. You have to guess my mum's name to get this one.)

The 13th letter is M.

My mum is called Mary.

Boney M - Mary's Boy Child

35. Make sure you leave a good tip: not just gaudy paper.

You should always tip your waitress, unless you're Mr. Pink.

The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping

34. Mrs. Claus never comes late to The Stranger.

The Stranger was a very good album by Billy Joel. Shame on you if you didn't know that.

Billy Joel - She's Right On Time

(The video shows why you shouldn't ever ask Billy Joel to decorate your house for Christmas.)

33. Have a flavourless Christmas drink that'll knock you off your feet... you'll despise it!

A strong, flavourless drink is Everclear.

Everclear - I'll Be Hating You For Christmas

32. Watch out for thin ice, Roberta.

Joni Mitchell's real name is Roberta Joan Anderson.

Joni Mitchell - The River

31. Dickens gives a crazy festive sermon on the afterlife.

Dickens introduced us to three (or was it four?) Christmas Ghosts.

Who else would deliver us a crazy sermon?

Manic Street Preachers - Christmas Ghost

30. A cat's chorus for the lady who catches a ride with Chris Rea.


Cats mew.

Chris Rea was driving home for Christmas.

Mew - She Came Home For Christmas

29. Better than Lois Lane and Lana Lang. Townies need not apply.

LL = Loretta Lynn

Townies don't know anything about the country.

Loretta Lynn - Country Christmas

28. Penguin or ptarmigan? This one's worth a mint.

Penguins and ptarmigans are snowbirds.

Murrays make mints.

Anne Murray - Snowbird

27. Spider-Man - Santa's here!!! (No B. Definitely no B.)

Spider-Man is Peter Parker.

Ryan Adams definitely does not have a B at the beginning. He gets very upset if you even suggest it.

Ryan Adams - Hey, Parker, It's Christmas

26. What a major needs to be able to twirl a baton properly. Will help you keep afloat over the next few days.

A major needs ette on the end to twirl a baton.

A bouy will help you keep afloat... unless you're America and pronounce it boo-ey.

Ette - Spending Every Christmas With My Boy

25. A short seasonal lord (and his snowy chum) protest plans to overturn the hunting ban. (Snowy chum not pictured.)

Chris is short for Christmas.

A lord is a squire.

Chris Squire & Alan White - Run With The Fox

24. Scrooged from the ashes: turkey for one.

Bill Murray was in Scrooged.

Phoenixes rise from the ashes.

Phoenix & Bill Murray - Alone On Christmas Day

23. A deep simile.

Deep is pretty low.

Low - Just Like Christmas

22. The Whale and his Brother won't save you.

Jonah & The Whale.

Brother Louie. (Remember that? You're better off if you don't.)

The cavalry will come to save us... unless someone stops them.

Jonah Lewis - Stop The Cavalry

21. Freedom! Don't wake up, or it's dead.

Freedom in German is Freiheit.

Freiheit - Keeping The Dream Alive

20. Batman takes his mask off in the shower. This is what he asks FathEr ChrisTmas for.

Batman is Bruce Wayne under his mask. If he stood under a fountain, it'd be like being in a shower.

ET was an alien.

Fountains of Wayne - I Want An Alien For Christmas

19. Sounds like a job for Fagen... Rejoice!

Donald Fagen was in Steely Dan... which sounds a lot like Steeleye Span.

Rejoice is Gaudete in Latin.

Steeleye Span - Gaudete

18. Strangeways, here we come a-wassailing. Putting the R in Christmas tree.

Strangeways is a prison popularised by The Smiths.

Wassailing is what they did at Christmas in Ye Olden Times.

A Christmas tree might be a pine, and if you put an R in that...

John Prine - Christmas In Prison

17. Marlon sends Saint Nick to where Elvis's snow flies.

Marlon Brando was The Godfather.

The Godfather of Soul was James Brown.

Elvis's snow flies In The Ghetto.

James Brown - Santa Claus, Go Straight To The Ghetto

16. A scheming motor dealer shares a brilliant award at Dawn, Day and Night.


A scheming motor dealer might be called a Wheeler Dealer.

An Emmy is an award.

Dawn, Day and Night... of the Dead / Living Dead are all zombie films.

15. Pussy's boots require stockings, dad!

Pussy Galore was Honor Blackman. She was in The Avengers with Patrick McNee and sang Kinky Boots with him.

The Kinks - Father Christmas

14. A big southern, malignant Frenchman gives you a Christmas kiss.

Big Jesse.

Southern Jesse.

The French word for malignant is malin.

We write a kiss as X.

Jesse Malin - Xmas

13. French footballers moan about only getting one lot of presents.

Apparently Saint Etienne are named after the French football team.

People born on Christmas Day often complain they only get one lot of presents.

In case you're wondering, it's not singer Sarah Cracknell who was born on Christmas Day, it's songwriter Bob Stanley.

Saint Etienne - I Was Born On Christmas Day

12. Trivial repetition.

Trivial is another word for Petty.

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Christmas All Over Again

11. Join the main gang to solve the Missing Joy Mystery.

Your staple diet would be the main things you eat.

The Staple Singers - Who Took The Merry Out Of Christmas?

10. A child's scribbled reindeer.

A child's scribble might describe a Badly Drawn Boy.

Badly Drawn Boy - Donna & Blitzen

9. Selina and the infant Kringle.

The greatest Selina (Catwoman) Kyle ever must surely be Eartha Kitt (but I'd accept the Michelle Pfeiffer argument).

An infant cringle would be a baby Santa.

Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

8. The place where Frankie Muniz comes from. Genuine Christmas cheer.

Frankie Muniz was Malcolm In The Middle.

Malcolm Middleton - We're All Going To Die

7. The first letter I (what a fellow!) comes round to do the festive dusting, polishing and tidying.

A is the first letter. I = me.

Aimee Mann - I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up For Christmas

6. Feels Yule. (All in festive rhyme)

Feels rhymes with Eels.

Yule rhymes with cool.

Baby Jesus... born to rock!

Eels - Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas

5. Sleep, Oscar. I was born in Huddersfield. Still there now. Probably die there.

Dream, Academy (awards). Huddersfield is a northern town.

Dream Academy - Life In A Northern Town

4. The grim siblings take a bite of a maggoty apple.

The Brothers Grimm wrote fairytales.

The Big Apple is New York.

The maggots... go nicely with scumbags.

Too easy, but I couldn't leave it out.

The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York

3. Christmas arrives late for young people... but the big man will still join the band.

A late Christmas would be in the Spring.

Young people are teens.

The Big Man might be Santa Claus... or Clarence Clemons, if you know your E Street lore.

Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

2. Good-looking relatives jingle idiotically.





The Handsome Family - Stupid Bells

1. Eponymous dark magic.

Dark magic is The Black Arts (Luke Haines, Sarah Nixey, Eddie Argos, John Moore and Keith TOTP).

Eponymous because this is my Christmas Number One.

The Black Arts - Christmas Number One

Saturday Snapshots will be back next week. As will the rest of the usual nonsense I fill these pages with. In the meantime, I wish you all a very happy new year.

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