Monday 18 March 2024

One Track Mind #3: When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman

(Don't even start me on the unforgivable "Your" / "You're" confusion.)

Can a bawdy joke spoil a great song?

This is the question I ask myself whenever I hear Dr. Hook's biggest hit. Because it's a great song - if you like that sort of thing, obviously, and growing up with Radio 2, I grew to love it - but the hokey pun innuendo soon outlived its welcome.

I was pretty certain I knew who wrote this song - but it turns out I was wrong. I was sure it must be another Shel Silverstein composition, given Shel wrote a number of Hook's hits, including their very best song...


Now that's a classic. Even if you don't care for Dr. Hook's particular brand of laid-back country pop, you have to at least appreciate the way Silverstein's desperate lyric is perfectly matched to Dennis Locorriere's plaintive vocals. I swear when he sings, "Please, Mrs. Avery," I feel his yearning right down to the tips of my toes. What a performance. 

And it turns out Sylvia's Mother is a true story too - Shel was in love with a woman called Sylvia Pandolfi, but she ran off with another man and ended up as a curator at the Museo de Arte Carrillo Gil in Mexico City. Shel tried desperately to rekindle that romance, but the only contact he had for Sylvia was her mum, and she wasn't having any of it. Nowadays, she'd probably report him as a stalker. I guess "Please, Mrs. Pandolfi" didn't quite scan, so Avery it was. And Mrs. Avery became such a famous figure, she even inspired a sequel song from The Men They Couldn't Hang...


But I'm not here to write about Sylvia's Mother, am I? Let's get back to the song in question. The reason I figured When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman was a Shel Silverstein composition is that Shel was known for being a funny guy. As well as being able to break our hearts with songs like Sylvia's Mother and The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan, Shel wasn't afraid to write a song with a sense of humour. Like these...




You've got to admire the nerve of a man who can rhyme Loretta with Irish Setter, and then get Loretta Lynn to sing it. Silverstein was also responsible for another witty Dr. Hook hit, although it's one I have mixed feelings about...


Now the problem with this tune is the way the Hooksters laugh at their own jokes (or at Silverstein's jokes, anyway) as they sing them. Ironically, ...Rolling Stone is one of their only songs to feature Dr. Hook himself, Ray Sawyer, on lead vocals. Maybe that's part of the problem. Much as I wish to argue in favour of humour in pop songs, I have a problem with people who laugh at their own jokes. Now I've no problem with people laughing in songs, otherwise I wouldn't love this...


You hear Whitney giggling away (around 3'57" if you're in a rush) and you can tell she's genuinely having a good time. She's enjoying herself and having fun. The laughter is natural. Similarly, one of my favourite tracks by this up and coming pop hopeful...


Hey Stephen is a great "why are you wasting your time with those vain cheerleaders when I'm right here?" song, made even better by the line...

All those other girls, well, they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you? 

The little chuckle Taylor gives after delivering those lines (approx. 2'50", busy folk) is priceless. And again, it feels genuine. Not so the self-congratulatory laughter in The Cover Of The Rolling Stone. I wish they'd played that song a little straighter. Or got Locorriere to sing it.

All of which brings us back to When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman (It's Hard), which I'm still surprised to learn wasn't written by Shel... except, maybe not so surprised the more I think of it, because Shel was classier than that. Further warning bells sound when you discover the song was actually written by Even Stevens. No, no Evan. Even. 

Stevens - real first names Bruce Noel - is a man who appears to love a good pun. He's clearly got a sense of humour, as demonstrated below...



...although, hang on, they were both written by Shel Silverstein too. Clearly Even Stevens' own songwriting was influenced by Shel... but I can't help but think Shel would have stopped short of the innuendo that upends When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman, a sleazy 70s sexual allusion that's only "bettered" by this...


That one was written by David Bellamy himself. Well, gwapple me gwapenuts!


Not that David Bellamy, obviously. I might look more kindly on it if it was. To be fair, at least innuendo is the whole point of If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body... there's not a better song trapped underneath, begging for your respect. It is what is is and seems quite happy that way. 

My contention then is that When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman is a great song - especially the bridge, which is as heartfelt as anything Dennis Locorriere ever sang...

Maybe it's just an ego problem, problem is I've been fooled before
By fair-weathered friends and faint-hearted lovers
And every time it happens it just convinces me more

That's the bit I love. The bit that keeps me coming back to listen to this track again and again, the bit that gets me past the embarrassment of the smutty innuendo. (I particularly struggle with the "You know it's hard, you know it gets so hard" call-back - yeah, we get it, Even. No need to belt us over the head with it!)

Legend has it that Even Stevens followed Dr. Hook's manager into the studio bathroom to pitch this song. That says it all, really. If only he'd showed a little restraint... When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman, It's Tough would have been much better, in my opinion. Or did this song only get to the top of the charts in the UK because of the lowest common denominator sales? If so, I hope Even Stevens sleeps soundly on his mattress stuffed with money, safe in the knowledge that he was one word away from writing a classic...



Sunday 17 March 2024

Snapshots #335: A Top Ten Automatic Songs


Ten songs for Automatic camera lovers everywhere...


10. It's rude to do that, er, ladies.

It's rude to point... er...

The Pointer Sisters - Automatic

9. Bruce Willis Is A Ghost! (Plus seven.)

Spoilers!

Bruce Willis was a ghost in The Sixth Sense. Add 7 and you get...

Thirteen Senses - Automatic 

8. Leave! Do I have to tell you twice?

Go! Go!

The Go Gos - Automatic

7. Cuban drums.

The Bongos - Automatic Doors

6. Bridal armament needs unhooking.

"Bridal armament" was an anagram...

Miranda Lambert - Automatic

5. Suicidal star.

He was the main man in Suicide... and Vega is one of the brightest stars in the night sky.

Alan Vega - Automatic Terror

4. Stevie plays solo, without Paul.

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney sang Ebony & Ivory, about black and white living together in harmony on the piano keyboard. If Stevie were on his own, it'd just be...

The Black Keys - 10 A.M. Automatic

3. Sonja decked me for making a mess of this one.

"Sonja decked" was an anagram...

Dee D, Jackson - Automatic Lover

A hit in 1978, the same year as this...

2. Shakin' all over.

The Vibrators - Automatic Lover

1. Still the top, even after The Boss left.


In the Supremes, Diana Ross was the boss... until she left and Jean Terrell took her place in the top girl band of all time.


Manual transmission resumes next Saturday morning...

Saturday 16 March 2024

Saturday Snapshots #335


Welcome, all you Promising Young Women and Hopeless Old Men to another edition of Saturday Snapshots. Identify the popular musicians below and connect their songs, please...

(I'm worried this one will be too easy. Can you break the Snapshots record?)

10. It's rude to do that, er, ladies.

9. Bruce Willis Is A Ghost! (Plus seven.)

8. Leave! Do I have to tell you twice?

7. Cuban drums.

6. Bridal armament needs unhooking.

5. Suicidal star.

4. Stevie plays solo, without Paul.

3. Sonja decked me for making a mess of this one.

2. Shakin' all over.

1. Still the top, even after The Boss left.

The answers will be published without any further assistance from me, tomorrow morning.


Friday 15 March 2024

The List #1

In 1992, INXS released their best album, Welcome To Wherever You Are. It contains the somewhat prescient song, Not Enough Time. When I hear this song in my head, it goes "Not enough time for all that I want to do" (although the actual lyrics are slightly different). Those lyrics pop into my head more and more frequently as the clock ticks ever onward... in a similar fashion to the way the lyrics to We Have All The Time In The World fill my mind whenever I'm in a rush to get somewhere and I find myself stuck behind a Louis. 

I sometimes wonder if I like too much music. If I'd be better off if my tastes were more niche and not so varied. Because there really is NOT ENOUGH TIME to listen to everything I want to listen to. Every time I visit the tube of you, a new band pops up demanding my attention. On first listen, a lot of them sound intriguing... like this lot, who may well be of some interest to Martin...

Brigitte Calls Me Baby appear to be the latest in a long, long, long line of bands who want to sound like The Smiths. But how many of those ever made it big? Suede? Gene? (Not really.) The Killers? (As soon as they did, they stopped trying to sound like The Smiths.) 

Lead singer Wes Leavins (with his enormous Morrissey quiff) claims to be more influenced by Sinatra, Orbison and Presley... ✔, ✔, ✔... but it's The Smiths I hear (and see) in the videos above and below... and that's why they're on the list.

Brigitte Calls Me Baby - Impressively Average

"The List." 

Often, when I hear a song I like on another blog, I'll leave a comment saying "That's going on the list." Similarly, when I hear something interesting on the radio. Like this little beauty from Irish singer-songwriter Ultan Conlon...


I like the folky atmosphere on that, and the idea that if we don't keep the old songs alive (whether they be Raglan Road or Girls Just Wanna Have Fun), they'll fade from our collective consciousness. I used to enjoy listening to the late Desmond Carrington on Radio 2. He'd play a really diverse mix of music, some of it old and forgotten from the 30s, 40s or 50s, alongside more recent or well known choices. I heard things on his show I'd never heard before on the radio, and probably never will again. 

As Ultan puts it...

Who's gonna play the old songs when all the old-timers are gone?

Here's an old song I've been playing a lot lately...


See? It's all too much, isn't it? Imagine if I just liked indie music, or rock, or old soul, or country and Americana... if I specialised in power pop or new wave or gentle, acoustic singer-songwritery stuff. Then I'd be able to focus. I'd be able to concentrate on one thing and enjoy it for what it is and not always be worrying about finding the next new thing... or the next old thing... in the hope it might hit me like a chaise longue or gradually unveil its beauty over a half dozen listens like the best of Jason Isbell.


But I don't just like one thing. I like all kinds of different things, and being able to switch genres and keep it fresh is essential in my listening. But then I also like digging back into the archives too. Except when do I have the time? I mentioned at the top of the page that Welcome To Wherever You Are is the best album INXS ever made. And yet I'm making that assessment safe in the knowledge that I haven't listened to it all the way through in 30 years. But The List keeps growing, and it's growing from all sides. New things, old things that are new to me, old things that I know but I haven't listened to in ages... and on and on and on...


Take that lot, for instance. Life are from Hull. Let's not hold that against them, because on the evidence of the track above... they're excellent. Bear in mind that they released that two years ago and this is the first time I've come across them, but they already appear to have released three albums. What if they're all as good as that song? I ought to drop everything else this instance and devote the next three weeks to familiarising myself with their back catalogue... but I haven't got the time because I also have to check out these guys...


L.A. Edwards come from... erm, Los Angeles... although the LA doesn't stand for what you think - it's lead singer Luke Andrew's initials. They supported Lucinda Williams last weekend and as soon as I heard them, I knew I wanted to hear more. So they've gone on The List.


There's so much music out there waiting to be discovered, it's a truly daunting prospect. Because what if I never hear that one song that changes my life forever? It's out there somewhere, I know it is. That's why I have The List...










Thursday 14 March 2024

Celebrity Jukebox #125: Karl & Eric


World Party - Is It Like Today?

I've been breathing easy lately as the Grim Reaper appeared to have taken a bit of a holiday. Sadly, he's back, and in the space of 24 hours he took two big names from the world of music, and far too soon.


It was Khayem who alerted me yesterday morning to the sudden death of World Party's Karl Wallinger. What a shock. Like K, I got rather aggravated by various lazy headlines highlighting The Whole Of The Moon in his obituary... great song, obviously, but Wallinger neither wrote nor sang it, although he did play keyboards and sing backing vocals, and may have come up with the synth line, at Mike Scott's request to play something that sounded like Prince. My point is, Wallinger wrote far more songs on his own (including the Robbie Williams hit She's The One), but none of them are as universally recognised as The Whole Of The Moon, so didn't quite provide the story hook the headline writers were looking for. Still, I was surprised by how many of my non-muso friends posted tributes to Wallinger on the Book of Faces... he was obviously better known than the lazy journalists realise.


Mike Scott called Wallinger "one of the finest musicians I've ever known", and our own John Medd called him "a songwriter's songwriter." 'Nuff said.



While I expected an outpouring of love for Karl Wallinger, I wasn't surprised to see Eric Carmen's death go unnoticed by the blogosphere at large... though for me, it's just as big a loss.

Carmen will primarily be remembered for his huge 80s power ballad All By Myself, later converted into a nice little earner for his retirement years by Canadian Megalodonna Celine Dion. I'm sure it's a song you all have an opinion on, and I doubt it's a favourable one in most cases, but I have to admit... long before it was adopted by Bridget Jones and Joey & Chandler in Friends as a symbol of sad-sack loneliness, this is a song I used to sit and have a quiet, self-indulgent cry to in my teenage years. Please don't judge me.


(Classical musos might me like to point out that the verse from All By Yourself is based on the second movement of Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, while the chorus... well, we'll get to that.)


Those of us who grew up in the 80s will also remember Carmen for his contribution to one of the biggest soundtracks of the era. Dirty Dancing might not be Citizen Kane, but if you were a teenager in 1987 (I was 15), it probably made quite an impression. Nobody puts Baby in the corner! 


However, neither of those tunes represents Eric Carmen's greatest achievement in popular music. That came many years earlier, when he was the lead singer of seminal* 70s power pop band, The Raspberries.

(*With apologies to those of you who don't appreciate the over-use of this word in contemporary music criticism... but if you ask me, it's valid here.)


Of the Raspberries distinctive sound, Carmen once said, "Pete Townshend coined the phrase [power pop] to define what the Who did. For some reason, it didn't stick to the Who, but it did stick to these groups that came out in the '70s that played kind of melodic songs with crunchy guitars and some wild drumming. It just kind of stuck to us like glue, and that was OK with us because the Who were among our highest role models. We absolutely loved the Who."


The Raspberries went on to influence the next generation of American hitmakers, including Springsteen, Tom Petty, Guns 'n Roses and Kiss... plus many of their own power pop successors, like The Posies, Fountains of Wayne, Weezer and Silver Sun. A bunch of my favourite artists right there... and they all owe a debt to Eric Carmen. Rest in peace, fella.

 
Oh, and the chorus to All By Myself? It was a reworking of this old Raspberries tune, written back in the glorious year of 1972.


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